Toxic relationships: how to recognise one and remove yourself

It is far too easy to become enmeshed in a toxic relationship … whether it’s a romantic or work relationship or a friendship.
Many people find themselves on the wrong end of an extremely unhealthy relationship and are either too ashamed or too frightened to do anything about it. 
The important thing to remember is that you are not alone and you do not have to tolerate this kind of behaviour.
How to recognise a toxic relationship
The first step to resolving the problem is to recognise it. Toxic relationships generally stem from one participant being dominant and controlling. A controlling personality will stoop to any means necessary to establish and maintain the control that he/she needs.
While this can sometimes involve physical force, more often than not it is psychological pressure which is employed with devastating effect.
Signs and symptoms
If you find yourself constantly being put down, made to feel inferior, made to feel guilty and beginning to believe everything negative you hear about yourself, then chances are good you are in a toxic relationship.
Controlling personalities can use everything from direct insults to sweet talking to manipulation to get you to do what they want and can be quite clever at it.
A controlling personality will try to maintain control by preventing you from having contact with anyone who might see through his/her methods and get you to do the same. If you are being discouraged from having contact with family and friends, this is another strong sign that things are not right.


How to extricate yourself from a toxic relationship
So once you have determined that you are in a toxic relationship, what can you do to get out?  First off, don’t panic and do not feel guilty. An unhealthy relationship is not something you’ll be able to change or improve.
The other person involved genuinely has to want to change and take real steps to do so in order for that to happen, and the chances of this actually working are very slim.
The only real way to get out of the relationship is to take the first step yourself. For the controlling personality, it’s all about maintaining that control, so he/she won’t want to give that up. You need to take back your life by refusing to be a victim.
It is a scary proposition but it is the only real way you have to get back to a healthy way of living, especially if there are children involved.


Make a clean break
In order to stop the cycle of controlling behaviour you must make a clean break. The controlling personality will try and talk you out of leaving, but you have to be strong and refuse to give in.

This is harder to do if children are involved, but it is still important for you to get out of the relationship so that your children realise this behaviour is wrong and don’t end up emulating it themselves.
Being in a toxic relationship is not good for anyone involved. You need to recognise the situation and take the necessary steps to remove yourself from it, no matter how hard it might be.
Don't be afraid to rely on your support system of family and friends for help. You have the strength to stand on your own two feet; don’t cling to any relationship that makes you feel like less than what you truly are.